by socialchick~ Before I start this blog let me just say that I'm going to refrain from cussing, but if you see several of these ######## in a row, know that I wanted to and probably thought the word in my head while this story was going on. After all I am human!
Monday night Mr. Social holds up this small piece of paper as he says to me, "You know this is due Sunday." Well my comment was, "I don't know what you are talking about." He then proceeds to tell me that he showed it to me a long time ago. I had no clue what he was talking about. It was a card telling me that I needed to get my drivers license renewed. Well apparently he thought that he had shown it to me but I never saw it. To make matters worse I had until Friday to get it and I couldn't do it any other day but Tuesday.
This would have been stressful enough all by itself, but it's not the worst part of this story. Heck no!
So I called Bossychick and asked her if she could watch little sis for me and she said yes. Before I left I tried to do it on line but it wouldn't let me. So I rush and get ready and try to disguise my double chin with some makeup so I can look somewhat nice for the dreaded license photo. So off I go with everything that the little card (that I had never seen) said for me to have. 1) birth certificate; 2) marriage license; 3)proof of social security number (Which still has my maiden name on it. I've never gotten it changed and haven't run into any problems); 4) documentation showing your residential address (so I take a recent bill from a doctors office that has my name on it and my address).
*If you are totally perfect, holy or very religious then you should stop reading now.
So here is where my fun begins. I get to the Drivers License office with all 4 documents in my hand. The very nice lady (this is not her fault) says to me, "Do you have your birth certificate, marriage license, social security card, and two2 documents with proof of address?"
I replied, "Two documents with my address on it? The card said one." as I start pulling out my card (that I had never seen).
She then said, "I'm sorry honey, you must have two and the card isn't proof of one and I can't over ride it. No one here can over ride it. It is the law. You will have to come back honey."
She then hands me a piece of paper that lists all of the things they will take as proof of my address. I grabbed all of my documents and headed out the door while I was thinking to my self if you call me honey one more time like I am 10 years old then I'm going to shove this ###### paper in your mouth until you choke on it.
Got in to my van, (yes we got one that is another post) slammed my keys in the cup holder and started looking at this piece of paper that she handed me and noticed that I could have my voters registration card for proof of address. Well check, I have this. So I grab all of my documents once again, lock and close the door, and head back inside as I realized I just locked my ############# keys in the van. GREAT!
So I go back inside to the (It is not her fault) lady and start telling her what I have and that I have locked my keys in the car. Right then a state trooper walks in and I asked her if she can help me get my keys out. She lets me know real quick that they are not allowed to do that any more. (It is not her fault) So I called Mr. Singerchick and now he is headed to come and help me out.
Back to all of my forms of documentation. The sweet (not her fault) lady starts making a face as she looks at my doctor bill and says, "Honey, this won't do. It has to be a legal form of some kind."
Once again my little white card (that I had never seen) did not say that. She started spitting off things that I could use.
"Um a credit card bill?" "No mam I don't have a credit card. "
"A mortgage statement?" "No mam I'm not on our mortgage."
"A car title?" "No mam I'm not on that either."
"A pay stub." "No mam I am a stay at home mom and don't have a job in which I receive a paycheck."
"A W2 Form?" "No mam what part of ######## I don't work do you not understand? I went to college and from there stayed at home with my kids. So no I have nothing in my name.
So then she said, "well maybe we can take this bill." Geez!
On to the marriage license. "Um honey we can't accept your marriage license. We need the one that doesn't have the witnesses signatures on it."
"Really because that is all we have and it is a legal document. Once again your little card (that I had never seen) is not specific. This is our marriage license."
She then stated again, "well maybe we can take it."
So I'm in the clear right? Wrong!
The sweet (It is not her fault) lady tells me to go stand in front of the blue screen and get ready for my picture. So I'm standing there trying to put my tongue to the ruff of my mouth and smile at the same time so that I don't have a double chin in my picture the rest of my life when she said, "honey we have another problem. Your SS card isn't in the same name as your license and it won't let me enter it into the system."
"So you are telling me that you have issued me a license before with this SS card but you can't now?"
"No honey it is blank because your name is not registered in our system."
"REALLY! So I have had a license for 10 years that doesn't register in your system? Are you Serious?" ( IT IS NOT HER FAULT, IT IS NOT HER FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Ok so now I'm having contractions because I'm so mad and pretty sure I could of shot someone if I would of had a gun. So I grab all of my ########## documents and head out the door when the sweet (It is not her fault) lady said, "Bless her heart!"
No she didn't! She might as well have said, "That dumb, huge, pregnant lady with a double chin needs to get it together." I was in no mood to hear, "Bless her heart." If you have been reading the blog very long you know what "bless your heart" means to us chicks. If not then check it out here.
So now I'm waiting in the cold with no jacket for Mr. singerchick to get there with an extra set of keys. He arrives and helps me out and now I'm on the way to the SS office.
Are you ready for this? The first thing I see when I step into the office is a picture of President Obama and Vice President Biden. Now I'm pretty sure they did not make the rules for the drivers license but they are the highest up so I'm wanting to rip the pictures off the wall and stomp on them until their faces are in many tiny pieces.
So I get my number and have a seat. There are probably ten empty chairs in the room when two of the biggest ash trays walk in. (If you smoke, I'm sorry. Don't get offended.) Guess who they come and sit by? Me the pregnant lady with a great sense of smell.
It was a grandmother, a mother and her 3-4 year old son. The grandmother then says, "Put a piece of gum in his mouth to shut him up." The mother replies, "Did you hear what he told you?" The grandmother said, "Yeah, he said shut up B*#*@."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can this day get any worse? So I sit there biting my tongue and waiting and praying for my number to get called.
I get called shortly there after and have another sweet lady. We get everything worked out. She told me that it would be two weeks before I received my new card and to please hold on while she prints my receipt. As she walked back to the little window in the wall I asked her how much I owed her and she began laughing and said it was free. So I said very nicely, "Don't laugh at me for asking how much something is because we live in a world where you get nothing free. So my question wasn't' that far fetched.
So yes I had a day from HELL! Moral of this story? Make sure you have your name on your mortgage, your correct name on SS card, and 400 types of identification that tell where you live, how long you have lived there, how many times you use the bathroom a day, and what you like to eat. Always remember it isn't the sweet lady's fault, never call someone honey, and never ever ever say "bless your heart" when something has just went wrong 453 ways.