this is for photo

by singerchick~ As the day fastly approaches for photochick to have her new tiny, I'm reminded of how I felt the last week or so before my youngest (aquaman) was born.  One day it hit me HARD that I was about to have another baby and I began to mourn the loss of mine and Big Man's time together...just the two of us.  It seems silly now, but my feelings were real and I was sad. 

I came across a really beautiful poem.  It helped me feel better even if it did make me cry harder.  The poem is so true as I reread it today.  My boys are truly the best of friends and it brings me great joy to hear them laughing together at their silly and exclusive jokes daily.  I'm so grateful that they have each other and that I have been blessed with the both of them.

Photo, this is for you.  Don't forget a tissue before you read. 

Mommy’s Poem to First Born  

 

As I hold your little hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship,
I suddenly feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.
And I wonder:
How could I ever love another child as I love you?

 

Then he is born, and I watch you.
I watch the pain you feel at having to share me, as you've never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me.”
And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can't”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you.
I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared.
A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being,
and feeling almost guilty.
I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him -- as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness,
finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine.
The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.
There are new times -- only now, we are three.
I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how he adores you -- as I have for so long.
I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments.
And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you,
I've given something to you.
I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.
And my question is finally answered, to my amazement…
Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you -- only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time,
I now know you'll never share my love.
There's enough of that for both of you -- you each have your own supply.
I love you -- both and I thank you both for blessing my life.

Comments

[photochick]

Thanks for posting the poem, tears and all (and there were many!). I actually remember vividly going out to eat with the chicks when you were VERY pregnant and you talking about this very subject.

I've reminded myself of that conversation many times lately as I've started to have the same thoughts and fears. I know it's normal, but it is very hard to imagine ever loving someone else so much. I know I will and I am already excited to see Punkin as a big brother. And think of all the photo opps! :-P

[uncommonblonde]

At least you warned me that this would make me cry. I already had mascara smears from reading "Dear Punkin" ... Ok, enough with the sad posts!

[damaris]

i guess i read the blogs in the wrong order. i just cried at photo's blog and continued the tearing at this blog. i've nothing to add.

[plannerchick]

I haven't even had another and this makes me cry. I have already wondered how I will ever love another as much as I love my tiny. I will keep this to come back to when we one day bring another one home!