by cubanchick~ last week, we celebrated father's day. for many, this was a very happy day where children give their dad's gifts or more importantly spend time with their dad in celebrating this special day.
for me it was different.
it was a day of sad reflection. as i sat in church, i wished that i had the relationship with my dad that the pastor was preaching about. my relationship with my dad has been an on-again off-again thing for many years. unfortunately since my weddidng, it's taken on a whole new turn. this saddens me greatly. he is my dad. my hero for so many years. (i will say that my relationships with my entire family have changed. i don't think they understand that i have changed and grown. i am not the same cubanchick i once was. and to me that doesn't mean it has to be a bad thing.)
back to my dad. when i do go to visit or when we run into each other, i never know what to expect. will i receive a happy greeting to see me? will he be in a bad mood or feeling sick and dismiss me? i wonder if he is really into his own world like that? i long for him to WANT to see me and to know this new person that i have become. i am different not because i was married. while my husband has opened a new life to me, it has been God that has changed me. i just wish it were different. this pains me.
i write this blog not for pity. since this past weekend i keep having this wave of sadness about my father. i cannot change what is. but my father in heaven can. i pray that God will change or open my dad's eyes. that my dad will know how much i truly love him and only want the best for him (he cannot handle any correctional comment from me).
i write this because i have felt compelled to share my story and my feelings. i have kept this pain just to myself and my husband. the happy blogs are always better. but to any reader that is hurting just as i am, i understand. most importantly, our father in heaven understands. Daddy God sees our pain and sees our tears.
while we may have our earthly fathers, our father in heaven is OUR FATHER. we can always go to him and he will always be willing to hear to what you have to say. when you grow as a person, he is delighted since you allowed him to make that change. our father in heaven is our source of love. he will never hurt you or betray you. please remember that always. whatever the challenge-the father is with you. feel free to share or if you rather email, you can write at [email protected]. Have a blessed day.
I think your blog is very timely for many people. I think many of us always think Father's Day is a joyous time, when many times it is not, not because of physical death of a family but something exactly like you are describing. I'm sure your blog will help others feel they aren't alone. You'll be in our prayers.
Posted by: Ayshia Hatcher | June 20, 2008 at 01:45 PM
thank you so much for your prayers. i am praying and i know that there is a lesson here and God will be there every step of the way. Thanks also for your encouraging comment. I second-guessed myself and thought about deleting this blog.
Posted by: cubanchick | June 20, 2008 at 02:51 PM
Thank you for this blog. I have had some rocky times with my dad too...the worst was shortly before I got married. I'd like to think he just didn't want me to grow up and didn't care for my hub for sweeping me off my feet? Whatever the reasons, over time we have finally gotten closer and he is now grateful for the wonderful man I married. I know how hard on the heart this can be, so I am saying a prayer for you and your father :)
Posted by: amber | June 20, 2008 at 03:45 PM
You are not alone and every family has issues. So keep your head up and keep smiling. Things will get better and he will see one day:)
Posted by: Sam | June 20, 2008 at 05:29 PM
thanks ladies. i always smile and look on the bright side of things. prayer is vital in situations. and with that, there is peace.
i just felt compelled to write this since i know there are many out there that are in painful situations.
Posted by: cubanchick | June 21, 2008 at 12:54 PM
God is the Father above all Fathers!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: socialchick | June 22, 2008 at 08:27 PM